Fingers Crossed

Well, tomorrow's the big day, and it's weird to think that this time tomorrow I'll be missing part of my body, even if it's a part I shouldn't have!! Still, let's see eh?

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!


Well, yes, it's getting ever nearer, I didn't think such a minor thing would bother me so much, but I'm just becoming more and more agitated as time progresses. I have one and a half days of work left, and then it's under the knife or whatever tool it is they use to burn parts of your body away.

Now, the operation itself offers no real fears - it's what I'm going to feel like after that is bothering me, or the fact that I might not wake up at all. Although I'm desperately trying not to think about that.

Perhaps All Pleasure Is Only Relief.

I'm a little less unsettled today. I've found out that in actual fact I will be under general anaesthetic for my operation, which on discovery lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. This might sound strange to those people who know the risks surrounding that, but I just couldn't bear the thought of being able to see what they are doing to me, and hear them talking about it. It also means that my personal experience of the operation will be over with in minutes because I'll only see the hospital bed on the way in, and the same thing on the way out. They also reckon that I'll be in and out in a day.
I've also stopped looking into the proceedure because it's not helping.

In other news I saw the di vinci code today, but I am not going to say too much about it until I've read the book (which will be during my recovery), I will say more of what I think then. I will say though that I didn't think the film was that bad, in fact it was entertaining but then I don't know how it relates to the book. The reason I'm waiting is because book adaptations are one of my pet hates. I hate it when they are done badly, take for example The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, which is a particular favourite of mine that was absolutely ruined by a TV version. Although I have spoken to several people who really struggled with the book because of the way it's written, but I'll wait and see.

The Most Destructive Element In The Human Mind Is Fear.

I'm terrified. Tomorrow I find out the exact details of my operation. Now, I'm frightened because I don't want to be awake throughout the proceedure. I know I need to have the surgery but everything I've read about it makes me more and more anxious. There seems to be little information about this proceedure in adults, but it is a routine operation. So why am I scared when I know this is done lots of times a day? It's simple, it's the fear of the unknown. If there is something I don't know about I research and I learn so that I'm informed, and in this case, I can find lots of information of how it's carried out in children, but nothing about it in adults. I'm sure the information exists, but for now it's causing tears and anxiety. In fact I'm just winding myself up so I'd better stop writing about it.

I'm awfully unsettled.

Dear Diary

I'm increasingly finding myself reading more and more people's blogs. At first there were one or two that I checked and now that list is growing and growing. It's odd because I wouldn't dream of reading someone's diary, so why their blogs? I justified starting and reading blogs because there was a lot of fuss in the media about how "people's news" might one day replace the actual news, and wanted to see what the competition was. I think though in all honesty I'm just incredibly nosey, plus I like to know what people think about things. Of course the styles change - from those who enjoy an angry rant to those who write as though they are a teenager and feel that every small detail of their life should be documented, right down to what plate they used to eat their dinner off. I like it though, I think blogs make up a nice part of this rich internet tapestry.

Finland

Finland. Finland. Finland.

Never won the Eurovision Song Contest until now.

Finland. Finland. Finland

Big Brother Is Watching

But am I? Normally I like watching this programme, but I think the makers have reached whole new levels of low. It's quite obvious to even the most stupid that they've selected people for their titilation factor, by that I mean "ooh look at how weird/big breasted/naked/gay/argumentative/irritating so and so is". Why couldn't they stick ordinary people in there and see how they interact? It worked well enough in the first series. Or is that too boring now? I hope that they've put a tourettes sufferer in there for the right reasons, but I suspect they haven't, I'm willing to be proved wrong though.

I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud

Someone in my office was talking about William Wordsworth's Daffodils and it got me thinking about one of the best stories I ever heard about him...

Sir Walter Scott went to stay with Wordsworth in the lakes and became thoroughly bored with the company of his host, pretended to go to bed, climbed out of his window and went for a riotous evening down the local pub.
Wordsworth was doing the whole midnight creative poet bit outside "gathering inspiration for his work" as Sir Walter made his way home rather inebriated and weaving in and out of the trees. It was quite misty and Sir Walter appeared a kind of ghostly figure which Wordsworth took to be Sir Walter's spirit roaming about at night.
The next day at breakfast Wordsworth took great delight in telling Sir Walter that the lakes were clearly good for his creative side as his spirit wandered about late at night, and rumour has it he wasn't told of this jaunt until long after his house guest had returned home and enough people had heard about the "ghost of Sir Walter Scott".

Flattery Gets You Nowhere.

On my Friday night outing to our usual club I happened to be sitting next to a random bloke who for about ten minutes was muttering nothings in his rather wasted state. He then turned to me and said "I like your boobs" whilst looking at my chest. It all took me rather by surprise, I didn't realise blokes were that direct. I did wonder how often lines like that work, surely women aren't stupid or vain enough to fall for it? Did he really think that would make me swoon and fall at his feet?! Still, maybe I should applaud his forthright attitude towards things.

Video Killed The Radio Star

Anyone who has been in a car with me will testify to the fact that I channel hop when listening to the radio. I tend to get bored, plus I like to be abreast of what the various media are doing. So, as a result of this skipping I managed to hear The Proclaimers three times on three seperate radio stations. The first two was I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) and the third Letter From America. Of course I had to sing along in my faux scottish accent, it is afterall the only way to listen to The Proclaimers. The same could be said of Blur - NO ONE sings along to Parklife or Girls and Boys in anything other than a cockney accent. I digress, The Proclaimers thing really pleased me, I'd not heard anything of theirs for ages and it really lifted my day - it's funny how music does that isn't it?!

Fear Is Not The Natural State Of Civilized People.

So, I went to see a specialist about my nose problems and the result of the hearing test, the allergy test and a camera up my nose is an operation. This I am reliably informed is a nothing operation to remove my adenoids and will be done under local anesthetic. To be honest I am very scared about it, I just don't like the idea of being able to see what they are doing. Still, wait and see.

West Wing

Well, when I thought I was well, then it turned out I wasn't. However, I am now which has made me very happy.

So, as a result of the illness,I've realised that there is only so much daytime TV a person can watch. I've also become slightly obsessed with the West Wing. I am harbouring the hope that the White House does actually operate in this way - however, I suspect it will be much less hectic and far less fair.