To Say Nothing of The Cat

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.

2007-03-01T20:35:00.000Z

I've been watching a programme on BBC2 called Arrange Me A Marriage. It's basically about how a thirty something year old woman who isn't married trying the arranged married route. It's got her parents and friends trying to find her a man, and judging men by class, money and what they think to him.
This whole programme is all about how the modern British woman isn't part of the two point four children ideal and how terrible that is. It's making me really sad that women can't be on their own in their thirties, or can't make mistakes in life. What's wrong with people being on their own, why do we all need to be married and settle down? I refuse to believe we need to go back to a time where women's choices are made for them by other people and that by being independent they are doing something wrong.

Books Coming Out of My Ears

2007-02-23T17:09:00.000Z

I've been re-visiting The Turn Of The Screw by Henry James over the past few days and had forgotten how unsettling it was. Not least because as soon as you start to identify with the main character then she says or does something that makes you think she's cuckoo. It's the whole is she or isn't she mad thing. I suppose it's also quite sad because although this was fictional there was a history of Governesses in Victorian times who did go a bit insane because of their situations. Or of course this could all just be me as a reader putting my slant on it and James could have actually written as a ghost story. I guess that's the beauty of it.

I've also received as a gift a wonderful cookbook by Marguerite Patten called Feeding The Nation. It's basically a collection of World War II recipes but fascinating stuff just to see how people coped with so few ingredients. I promised myself that I would make at least one thing from it a month but it was a bit of an empty promise because nothing sounds that great. For example, Whale Burgers - apparently in 1947 it made it's appearance on British Shores and wasn't rationed. Marguerite describes the meat as having a "strong and very unpleasant smell of fish and stale oil", sounds appetising doesn't it?!

To Charge Or Not To Charge

2007-02-21T17:32:00.000Z

Ok, so one point eight million people signed this online petition against national road pricing, I wasn't one of them but I can understand why so many did. I realise that congestion on Britain's roads is a massive problem but I don't think that pay as you drive motoring is the way forward. Motorists already pay massive amounts to be allowed to be on the road in the first place in terms of Road Tax, MOT costs, and insurance etc... Crippling the motorist financially is not the way, we should look at our public transport and make it more desirable for people to use. Take me for example, I wouldn't be able to get a bus or a train to anywhere near where I work (cheers Dr Beeching!), in fact I would like to and I would rather spend an hour not driving to and from work everyday - but it simply isn't possible. And why don't we like public transport? Old buses, dirty trains, and the expense! The last time I looked at taking the train to my friend's house I was shocked that it would cost me nearly a hundred pounds, not to mention the fact that I could get only one train and that was at 6:05am. She doesn't live in the middle of the countryside or anywhere out of the ordinary so why the stupid times?! I guess nobody has all the answers but I really think that more thought needs to go into it.

In other news I have succumbed to the adverts and bought Guinness flavour Marmite. I was quite excited by this and couldn't wait to try it, only to be massively disappointed as it tastes exactly the same!

Wish You Were Here?

2007-01-30T17:19:00.000Z

We got back today from ten days in America, had a splendid time and didn't really want to come home, especially as I have to go to work today and am frightfully jetlagged.
Speaking of which the flight back was appalling, almost constant turbulance, a delay, uncomfortable seats, force 9 airconditioning gale and so on. I hate air travel at the best of times, and cattle class is generally not much fun. Having said that though, I'm with Alan Bennett on this, he says he refuses to pay for more expensive seats because he hates flying and doesn't see why he should pay more to do so. He's got a point.

As The Rush Comes

2007-01-13T22:01:00.000Z

Over the past few days I've reached a kind of epiphany over my mixing, I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere and am finally understanding how it works. I have to say though that I feel like I've worked hard at it the past week or so, and come away from it feeling a bit drained, but I think it's paying off. It's a great feeling because there have been times when I've wanted to throw the decks through the window and the records after them! The only downside to all of this though is I want to buy a tonne of vinyl which will cost me a small fortune.

EGG!

2007-01-05T17:55:00.000Z

Well, that's Christmas over and done with for another year, and if I'm honest I've really enjoyed it! Yes, I've had some bizarre gifts, but I've liked all of them, and I'm still struggling through the mountain of chocolate. Speaking of chocolate - CADBURY'S CREME EGGS ARE BACK!!!!!!! yay! I've seen them in several shops but I just can't bring myself to buy one, surely it's too early isn't it?!

Shoes Glorious Shoes

2006-12-08T19:48:00.000Z

I have twice attempted to go Christmas shopping, and twice come back with something for myself. I'm finding it difficult to concentrate on the matter in hand because there are shoe sales everywhere - and I do conform almost entirely to the female stereotype of a woman around shoes. It's not unknown for me to completely go crazy around shoes, I have several pairs that I have never worn but were bought completely on impulse and I suspect before this festive period is out I will have a pair of strappy, glittery, silver, high heeled sandals.

So Here It Is Merry Christmas.....

2006-12-06T20:31:00.000Z

Well, the festive season is upon us and I for one LOVE IT!

Yes, I've got the small worry that I have bought very few presents and have very little idea of what to get anybody, but this is far outweighed by the excitement of the advent calender opening everyday, and the putting up of decorations.

The house always looks so pretty with tinsel and the tree and so far this year (fingers crossed) the cat has not pulled it down. Maybe he remembers last year when he got caught up in the trimmings, was spooked and then fell down the stairs.

Anyway, I digress, I'm looking forward to seeing the parents and spending a bit of time not worrying about work or anything like that. I'm especially looking forward to Christmas dinner and the leftovers. I love the siege mentality that surrounds food at this time of year - the way we rush to the shops to stock up for the two days we won't be able to use a supermarket. I also love the masses of food and the sheer variety particularly the amount of party food, which I love with a passion. There is something so great about mini quiche, spring rolls, small cakes and nibbles!

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

When You Say Nothing At All

2006-11-22T19:05:00.000Z

It's been brought to my attention that I have rather let this old blog slide, I actually don't have anything to say really, but I promised, so...

HELLO DARREN

Mediocre

2006-10-22T20:07:00.000Z

I made buns today, and they were delicious warm, but I could only think of my mum telling me that you shouldn't eat buns and bread straight from the oven because it will give you indigestion. Now, I can't work out if this is along the same lines as A's dad telling him that drinking cordial too strong would give you worms or if it does actually give you indigestion. I'm hoping I haven't been lied to all these years!

A Ship Called Dignity

2006-10-21T22:12:00.000Z

There's an old man who lives just up the road from us and he takes great pride in the front and back of his house. Nothing unusual there then. He also takes great pride in the train embankment wall which is visable from the front of his house. Again nothing too unusual there, afterall he is being quite community spirited by removing overhanging branches and weeds. How does he do all of this? Well, he appears to have fashioned himself a weed cutting pole out of a bit of bamboo and a bread knife. He looks like he's been using this particular "tool" for a long time, and it has variations including what looks like a butter knife cellotaped to a ruler. I applaud all of this, he's showing great initiatve. I'm sorely tempted to buy him some proper tools but I suspect he would be offended, afterall it would probably be a slight on his tool making abilities.

I Got Life

2006-09-14T16:07:00.000Z

Yep, I've started musing about life and death again. This time it's come about because of the sheer volume of idiots on the roads. Take today for example, on my way home from work I managed to avoid being rammed by a man in a red car who was in the wrong lane, followed an HGV carrying what appeared to be another HGV at around 20 miles an hour on unsuitable roads and a learner driver who turned right at a junction into on coming traffic, pulled over into the correct lane and then drove at 10 miles an hour for a good 200 yards until the driving instructor must have noticed the great big line of traffic behind them and made him put his foot down a bit - reaching the whopping great speed of 15 miles an hour. I am beginning to loathe my commute to work because it's not just my car I'm driving, it's everyone elses. I honestly don't know how half these people pass their tests. I go through about five roundabouts and you get people who don't think the highway code applies to them, or simply pull out without looking. I'm putting my life in their hands on a regular basis.

Electric Dreams

2006-08-22T19:38:00.000Z

Anyone who knows me will be sick and tired of hearing me talk about Creamfields. It's taking place this coming Bank Holiday weekend, and I'm the kind of excited that small children get about Christmas or their birthday. I can't explain why I, a grown twenty something woman is looking forward to dancing in damp tents all night. There is just something about hundreds or even thousands of people all moving to the same beat and feeling the same emotions that just gets to me deep down. Hundreds of hands in the air at the same moment willing the DJ to drop the beat of the record, or play that song we've heard in clubs or even an old school classic played completely out of the blue. It's a sense of complete and utter belonging, we've all reached exactly the same place at exactly the same time and for that split second we are as one, one heaving mass of movement in perfect time.

No Added Additives Or Preservatives

2006-08-11T17:49:00.000Z

I'm hyperactive today, and not entirely sure why. I should by rights be feeling like death now, but I don't. I've managed to replace my favourite shoes with an almost identical pair, but they are no where near as comfy. Still, you can't have it all can you?

Put A Record On

2006-08-03T20:29:00.000Z

Well, finally after months of frustration and strops I've mastered three tunes which I can mix successfully, barely noticeable joins and everything. I know this to be the case because previously the boyfriend would wince and say things like "not bad, just a little bit out" and now he is either not even noticing the tunes have changed or actively saying "that was good". I'm glad I'm at the stage because quite frankly I thought it was never going to happen. What's also happened is that I have a list of five tunes that I can now play one after each other, only making minor errors. I'm trying to expand it all the time (mainly unsuccessfully) because I'm getting tired of hearing Coburn's We Interrupt This Programme and Emjae's Digital Daze. Cracking tunes though they are, they are becoming a little tiresome. Blue Monday is the third, but I don't think anyone with a heart could ever tire of that! The one drawback to all of this of course is that I now have a thirst for more and more vinyl that I can't quench. My local friendly DJ come record shop person was left without employment when the owner of the shop decided to close it, and in turn I am left without someone to hand me a load of tunes that he thinks I'll like.

Now this might sound all very trivial to some, but to me it's a start and it's a hobby I actually enjoy doing and believe me doing something that isn't work related is A Good Thing.

Gym and Tonic

2006-07-25T19:20:00.000Z

So, we joined a Gym, and so far we've been everyday. I'm quite enjoying the swimming and the hydro pool afterwards. What I'm not enjoying is the amount of other people's flesh I'm getting to see in the changing rooms. There are cubicals and yet everyone seems to want to flash their bits. Now, I'm no prude, but I really don't want to see some of the things that I have, although it's becoming increasingly obvious that clothes hide a multitude of sins.

The Heat Is On

2006-07-03T22:20:00.000Z

I'm afraid I've rather neglected this place in favour of the Big Brother blog, so I will attempt to rectify this. It's the heat I want to discuss, and the joys of a cold pillow. Today it's been so hot that even I have put shorts on and I'm not looking forward to the humid nights sleep I'm about to "enjoy". All I want is a cool spot in the bed, particularly my pillow, there is something just so nice about a cold pillow, in fact I extend this to a warm towel on a winters day. I think part of the problem is the cat who tends to sleep on my side of the bed when he is in the house, this automatically means that when I go to bed it's already warm. I wish there was an electric freezer blanket.

Blue Monday

2006-06-26T19:06:00.000Z

We live in a first floor flat and look out onto a fairly busy road, and can see into most cars. I was standing on our terrace (so called because there are no words to describe it as otherwise) and chatting to one of our neighbours when I looked down only to see a man driving his car with a porn magazine on his knee and clearly looking at it whilst driving. Now, aside from the danger, what sort of pleasure was he getting from looking at naked ladies whilst driving?!

Morning Has Broken

2006-06-06T15:03:00.000Z

So, I'm now andenoid free, I've had the most confusing couple of days mainly due to pills like these and the fact that I had two days without food. I went in for the Op on Thursday and instead of being allowed out had to stay in as I didn't come round properly from the anaesthetic. I went home on the Friday morning only to be re-admitted that night through bleeding in the back of my throat, they put me on a drip and shoved a camera down my nose. I was then finally allowed out on saturday afternoon after having the camera down my nose again and having eaten a strange concoction of baked beans and bacon in some sort of hot pot. From Saturday to last night I was then in some sort of daze, it was like being drunk only unpleasant, everything was a bit blurry and foggy. Still, I'm starting to feel a bit more normal now, although if I stand up too soon, or do too much it does make me feel a bit dizzy and I have to lie down.

The wierdest part is everything smells very strong.

Oh and my wrist tag matched my PJs!
look!

Fingers Crossed

2006-05-31T19:20:00.000Z

Well, tomorrow's the big day, and it's weird to think that this time tomorrow I'll be missing part of my body, even if it's a part I shouldn't have!! Still, let's see eh?

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,

2006-05-28T21:32:00.000Z

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!

Well, yes, it's getting ever nearer, I didn't think such a minor thing would bother me so much, but I'm just becoming more and more agitated as time progresses. I have one and a half days of work left, and then it's under the knife or whatever tool it is they use to burn parts of your body away.

Now, the operation itself offers no real fears - it's what I'm going to feel like after that is bothering me, or the fact that I might not wake up at all. Although I'm desperately trying not to think about that.

Perhaps All Pleasure Is Only Relief.

2006-05-24T21:16:00.000Z

I'm a little less unsettled today. I've found out that in actual fact I will be under general anaesthetic for my operation, which on discovery lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. This might sound strange to those people who know the risks surrounding that, but I just couldn't bear the thought of being able to see what they are doing to me, and hear them talking about it. It also means that my personal experience of the operation will be over with in minutes because I'll only see the hospital bed on the way in, and the same thing on the way out. They also reckon that I'll be in and out in a day.
I've also stopped looking into the proceedure because it's not helping.

In other news I saw the di vinci code today, but I am not going to say too much about it until I've read the book (which will be during my recovery), I will say more of what I think then. I will say though that I didn't think the film was that bad, in fact it was entertaining but then I don't know how it relates to the book. The reason I'm waiting is because book adaptations are one of my pet hates. I hate it when they are done badly, take for example The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, which is a particular favourite of mine that was absolutely ruined by a TV version. Although I have spoken to several people who really struggled with the book because of the way it's written, but I'll wait and see.

The Most Destructive Element In The Human Mind Is Fear.

2006-05-23T21:06:00.000Z

I'm terrified. Tomorrow I find out the exact details of my operation. Now, I'm frightened because I don't want to be awake throughout the proceedure. I know I need to have the surgery but everything I've read about it makes me more and more anxious. There seems to be little information about this proceedure in adults, but it is a routine operation. So why am I scared when I know this is done lots of times a day? It's simple, it's the fear of the unknown. If there is something I don't know about I research and I learn so that I'm informed, and in this case, I can find lots of information of how it's carried out in children, but nothing about it in adults. I'm sure the information exists, but for now it's causing tears and anxiety. In fact I'm just winding myself up so I'd better stop writing about it.

I'm awfully unsettled.

Dear Diary

2006-05-21T21:57:00.000Z

I'm increasingly finding myself reading more and more people's blogs. At first there were one or two that I checked and now that list is growing and growing. It's odd because I wouldn't dream of reading someone's diary, so why their blogs? I justified starting and reading blogs because there was a lot of fuss in the media about how "people's news" might one day replace the actual news, and wanted to see what the competition was. I think though in all honesty I'm just incredibly nosey, plus I like to know what people think about things. Of course the styles change - from those who enjoy an angry rant to those who write as though they are a teenager and feel that every small detail of their life should be documented, right down to what plate they used to eat their dinner off. I like it though, I think blogs make up a nice part of this rich internet tapestry.

Finland

2006-05-20T22:36:00.000Z

Finland. Finland. Finland.

Never won the Eurovision Song Contest until now.

Finland. Finland. Finland

Big Brother Is Watching

2006-05-19T20:30:00.000Z

But am I? Normally I like watching this programme, but I think the makers have reached whole new levels of low. It's quite obvious to even the most stupid that they've selected people for their titilation factor, by that I mean "ooh look at how weird/big breasted/naked/gay/argumentative/irritating so and so is". Why couldn't they stick ordinary people in there and see how they interact? It worked well enough in the first series. Or is that too boring now? I hope that they've put a tourettes sufferer in there for the right reasons, but I suspect they haven't, I'm willing to be proved wrong though.

I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud

2006-05-17T21:02:00.000Z

Someone in my office was talking about William Wordsworth's Daffodils and it got me thinking about one of the best stories I ever heard about him...

Sir Walter Scott went to stay with Wordsworth in the lakes and became thoroughly bored with the company of his host, pretended to go to bed, climbed out of his window and went for a riotous evening down the local pub.
Wordsworth was doing the whole midnight creative poet bit outside "gathering inspiration for his work" as Sir Walter made his way home rather inebriated and weaving in and out of the trees. It was quite misty and Sir Walter appeared a kind of ghostly figure which Wordsworth took to be Sir Walter's spirit roaming about at night.
The next day at breakfast Wordsworth took great delight in telling Sir Walter that the lakes were clearly good for his creative side as his spirit wandered about late at night, and rumour has it he wasn't told of this jaunt until long after his house guest had returned home and enough people had heard about the "ghost of Sir Walter Scott".

Flattery Gets You Nowhere.

2006-05-14T19:02:00.000Z

On my Friday night outing to our usual club I happened to be sitting next to a random bloke who for about ten minutes was muttering nothings in his rather wasted state. He then turned to me and said "I like your boobs" whilst looking at my chest. It all took me rather by surprise, I didn't realise blokes were that direct. I did wonder how often lines like that work, surely women aren't stupid or vain enough to fall for it? Did he really think that would make me swoon and fall at his feet?! Still, maybe I should applaud his forthright attitude towards things.

Video Killed The Radio Star

2006-05-13T20:43:00.000Z

Anyone who has been in a car with me will testify to the fact that I channel hop when listening to the radio. I tend to get bored, plus I like to be abreast of what the various media are doing. So, as a result of this skipping I managed to hear The Proclaimers three times on three seperate radio stations. The first two was I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) and the third Letter From America. Of course I had to sing along in my faux scottish accent, it is afterall the only way to listen to The Proclaimers. The same could be said of Blur - NO ONE sings along to Parklife or Girls and Boys in anything other than a cockney accent. I digress, The Proclaimers thing really pleased me, I'd not heard anything of theirs for ages and it really lifted my day - it's funny how music does that isn't it?!

Fear Is Not The Natural State Of Civilized People.

2006-05-10T19:40:00.000Z

So, I went to see a specialist about my nose problems and the result of the hearing test, the allergy test and a camera up my nose is an operation. This I am reliably informed is a nothing operation to remove my adenoids and will be done under local anesthetic. To be honest I am very scared about it, I just don't like the idea of being able to see what they are doing. Still, wait and see.

West Wing

2006-05-01T17:46:00.000Z

Well, when I thought I was well, then it turned out I wasn't. However, I am now which has made me very happy.

So, as a result of the illness,I've realised that there is only so much daytime TV a person can watch. I've also become slightly obsessed with the West Wing. I am harbouring the hope that the White House does actually operate in this way - however, I suspect it will be much less hectic and far less fair.

I'm Back

2006-04-16T20:23:00.000Z

Well, I've been ill for what seems like a month, firstly a bout of sinusitis and accompanying ear infection (which I am still a little deaf from), and now a constant feeling of nausea and sore throat. However, onwards and upwards I say.

I've got a bit of a rant I'm afraid. Why on earth do people mess about with perfectly fine cars? Today I have seen a number of souped-up, bizarrely coloured vehicles which seem to serve no purpose other than to make the drivers look like pratts.

Do they not realise that by supergluing a fin here and there or adding a whale tail does not add anything to something that car manufacturors have probably been in the process of designing for years? Better still, it does not make their ordinary citroen saxo into a sports car. To these people, I say, if you want a sports car, save the money that you are spending on alloys and bits of plastic and buy one!

To Momma.

2006-04-01T09:42:00.000Z

Always in my heart, forever in my thoughts.

I miss you.

xx

STAIRS!

2006-03-28T18:12:00.000Z

Today, I helped to fit a stair carpet, and by help I actually do mean help and not just standing around barking out orders.

I think I'm a natural, if my career doesn't go well, I could always become a carpet fitter!?! It's quite satisfying to stand back and say I did that, and I can see it from my desk and I'm feeling rather smug.

Another thing I discocvered this week was that I am right eye dominant. To check this, what you do is point at the corner of the room with both eyes open. Then you close one eye and see what happens to the finger, if it stays pointing at the corner that's your dominant one. FUN!

The Great British Pastime

2006-03-18T15:47:00.000Z

So, on my way home from work I pass a council tip, I myself have been to this tip once when I first moved in with A and I made him get rid of loads of broken junk he had been collecting like the womble he is.

As I made my way back home today I passed the afore mentioned tip and saw what must have been thirty cars all queuing to get into it! Now, I'm all for dumping things responsibly - but why do they all feel the need to go on a saturday afternoon?

Is it a big fun day out for all the family? Does one member of the household say "ooh I know what we can do today, let's go to the tip and dump that tv that hasn't worked since 1978!" amid cries of "YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY" from all around them?

It got me thinking though, we as a nation spend a lot of our lives firstly queuing and secondly going to dull places. The garden centre being one of them, or any number of DIY shops. I honestly can't think of anything more boring than going round a DIY shop looking at taps, bolts and various lengths of piping! Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that the weekends may be the only time that people do work on their homes or gardens, but surely there has to be more to life than painting the fence or digging up the lawn. There is isn't there?!

Hi Ho Hi Ho It's Off To Work We Go

2006-03-16T19:43:00.000Z

So, I've been off work all this week and have done the sum total of nothing. Well, that's a lie - I've cleaned and done washing. It's made me all the more determined to never become a housewife. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, I just don't think it's very me. To be honest I get terribly bored very quickly. I've been practising my mixing but I get frustrated too easily with that as well. My friend Ed has been very good and has been throwing some pointers my way - but I doubt I'm ever going to be very good.

I am also quite sure that when I go back I'll be desperate to be off.

To Sleep Perchance to Dream

2006-03-14T23:37:00.000Z

I'm off work all this week on holiday and have spent much of today in bed asleep. Now I don't know if that's because I need the rest, or because I'm just very lazy. I think it's the former because I'm still tired. Now the problem as I see it is that I could utterly reverse my body clock carrying on like this.

So, do I go to bed early? Do I balls.

It's All A Load Of Rubbish.

2006-03-13T19:49:00.000Z

I was asked the other day whether I recycle or not. The answer, NO. This is mainly because the council have introduced a new system of rubbish collection which includes two boxes for recycled waste which they will take away. This you may think is a very good idea and you'd be right, except for the fact that they didn't give us these boxes, and we've asked for them and they STILL haven't brought us any, and told us they will. We're now waiting.

The rubbish collections across this county have proved somewhat controversial lately. They've started this fortnightly collection which runs in conjunction with the recycling, the idea being that if you recycle correctly you won't have as much rubbish to throw out. So, they allow everyone a wheelie bin full and the afore mentioned boxes. Again, a really good idea. Now for the best bit - any bin that is found to be overflowing could cause a £50 fine and this is the bit that is causing all the problems - this bin is the same size for all families, and obviously the two of us don't fill a bin in two weeks whereas our neighbours (a family of what seems like eight million) could fill three in the same space of time. Now, up and down the street bin day is like a chess game. Particularly since we've all had warning labels fixed to our bins week in week out. Now it becomes a race to get the bins back in the respective yards before anyone gets the chance to put their surplus bags in or worse still steal it! We became the victims of this when we accidentally left our bin out only to find it full two days after collection.

The fine associated with this also troubles me, how on earth in this situation are they going to enforce this? Are they going to get us all together and start pulling bits of rubbish out and then starting asking "Who bought and used this pint of milk?" whilst we all shrug and look at each other sheepishly? I think not.

Let Them Eat Cake

2006-03-09T21:02:00.000Z

In my neverending quest to find puddings that aren't going to make me the size of a house I decided today to make jelly.

It was surprisingly easy, boil water, stir in, add cold water - chill and voila! Because I am a domestic goddess now, I made individual ones with slices of strawberries in it.

God, what a dull existance I lead.

A Woman Has The Age She Deserves.

2006-03-04T23:42:00.000Z

Last night I spent the best part of an hour trying to remember how old I was. I think we finally decided I was 27. At what stage does this happen to someone? I mean - one day you are desperately proud of being 10 and a half, or 18 or 21, then one day you wake up and can't remember. And then after this middle period of not knowing you suddenly hit your eighties and start telling people you are 83 and a third like it's something to be proud of.

This all came about because a member of my staff said I was old - she's 22 and thinks that anything above 25 is positively geriatric. The thing is I don't feel old, someone once told me that you tend to feel as old as the happiest times of your life, I think for me that must have been when I was 16 and thus I still feel like a 16 year old.

I've started to get back into the old house music clubbing scene and although the basics haven't changed I find myself amazed by how all these girls in their early twenties can dance for so long on such high heels. I know I did it, because I still have a much loved pair of shoes that have about a two and half inch heel that I wore to Gatecrasher and Sundissential on a regular basis. Don't get me wrong I love a nice pair of shoes as much as the next person (A will testify as to the bulging wardrobe full of shoes) but I now am at the stage whereby I'm erring on the side of comfort everytime. As a recommendation I recently spent £25 on these.

Christ, I just read that through - I AM OLD! I better go for a cup of cocoa and a lie down.

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

2006-03-03T18:58:00.000Z

Note to self, if a hairdresser tells you that a style is fashionable it doesn't necessarily mean it will suit you. You may have guessed I've had a haircut today and yes it looks ridiculous. The thing I have found is that no matter how much you explain what you want they always have an idea of what they think should be done, now I'm all for creativity BUT do I really need a big thick fringe????!

My dad always says there is two weeks between a good and a bad haircut so I guess I need to ride it out for the duration.

Final Weigh In

2006-03-01T22:13:00.000Z

At the start of my weight watchers experience my target loss was half a stone. After doing so well in the first week and doing so badly in the second I figured I wouldn't actually make my target. Yes, I'm making the excuses already. Anyway, I got weighed and it seems that this week I lost 2 1/2lbs. This brings my total loss to 7 1/2lbs. I've done it!

So, will I be eating all the crap and putting it all back on as soon as possible? Well, hopefully no. I'm going to try to continue eating sensibly and even try exercise (although I am procrastinating massively about this step).

Wish me luck!

We are family.

2006-02-23T13:53:00.000Z

My dad is tracing our family tree, he's started with his dad's family and my mum's dad's family. So far we've found out that my grandad on his side comes from a family that moved around a lot and probably originally came from Ireland. My Mum's dad's side have almost certainly always lived in Sheffield. It got me thinking about what it must have been like to have seen it develop into the great Industrial City that it was and then it's rapid decline into having almost no industry of it's own.

The male side were nearly all steel workers as my own grandfathers were and I struggle to imagine what working next to several furnaces with dirt and dust clinging to the air must be like, and the noise must have been horrendous. And yet they produced good quality steel and were the best in the whole world at doing it.

It may seem strange but I am fiercely proud of the city of my birth and what my ancestors were part of - they did so much and got so little in return.

Official Weigh In 2

2006-02-21T19:49:00.000Z

Well....1/2lb loss this week. I must admit it doesn't come as a surprise but it is rather a disappointment. I think I peaked too early last week and got a bit complacent about the whole thing. The target loss is half a stone, i'm now two pounds off with a week to go until my period with weight watchers comes to an end. I think I've got my work cut out this week.

An Eye For An Eye.

2006-02-18T10:37:00.000Z

I saw Munich last night and it made me think about how nobody wins in this world. We perpetuate history over and over again. Why don't we learn that violence never solves anything? Short term gain by blowing someone up and being in the spotlight for a few years can surely only lead to the perpetrators being villified in all countries outside those that sympathise. This I am sure, benefits absolutely no one.

Cheaty McCheatson

2006-02-16T21:44:00.000Z

Well, today I have been very bad on the food front. After a cracking start to the diet I have eaten everything in sight including some chocolate and a mini cheesecake. I now feel incredibly guilty.

I've seen an opportunity today that I think could be a good move, but there are pros and cons and I can't see past any of them. I've thought about it too long for it to be a clear decision and now the details are fuzzy in my head.

Official weigh in.

2006-02-15T20:44:00.000Z

Well, the official weigh in comes in at 41/2lbs lost. I just hope I can keep it up, or at least continue to lose.

Unofficial weigh in.

2006-02-13T10:49:00.000Z

It's been exactly a week since I started the diet and I've weighed myself this morning to discover i've lost about 6lbs. I'm really pleased with this because I've tried really hard and now it kind of makes me think there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I want to lose about 3 stone and if I keep at it I'll be well on the way. Now all I have to do is join a gym and then I can alter my lifestyle as well. The thing is, I realise that my problem is that I'm lazy and as a result I procrastinate.

I've been thinking about taking a night course in something, possibly a language - I'm bored ninety percent of the time and as much as anyone says it's ok, spending too much time on the internet can never be a good thing. I was trying to think what I did before I had broadband and I actually couldn't remember. I think I went out a lot with my friends, but that's just not possible now as most of them live in Sheffield; which is somewhere that unless a job opportunity turns up I will probably never live again. It's strange because growing up seems to mean growing apart from all the people who have meant so much to you for a massive part of your life. We went to a club on friday that just reminded me so much of what my life was like in the mid to late nineties and how i'll never really get that time or that place back. This saddens me and I miss them all.

Ace!

2006-02-12T06:23:00.000Z

It was me on that road
But you couldn`t see me
Too many lights out, but nowhere near here

It was me on that road
Still you couldn`t see me
And then flashlights and explosions

Roads are getting nearer
We cover distance but not together
I am the storm and I am the wonder
And the flashlights, nigthmares
And sudden explosions

I don't know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

It's about you and the sun
A morning run
The story of my maker
What have I and what I ache for

I`ve got a golden ear
I cut and I spear
And what else is there
Roads are getting nearer
We cover distance still not together

If I am the storm if I am the wonder
Will I have flashlights, nightmares
And sudden explosions

There is no room where I can go and
You`ve got secrets too

I don`t know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

Taken from What Else is There by Royksopp

well done!

2006-02-08T22:49:00.000Z

I made a very large error today. I got overly excited about this whole weight loss thing and weighed myself. The good news is that I'm not any heavier..... I have however decided that if I don't at least lose a pound this week i'm going to stop all this diet rubbish and join a gym. I figure if I do enough exercise to burn off the calories I'm taking in, I MUST lose weight.

Are you hungry?

2006-02-06T19:41:00.000Z

I am. Well I'm not, but I will be. I started weight watchers today, and i've become obsessed by counting points, and at the moment I'm well under my daily allowance because I don't want to go over my points. I do hope that I can keep it up for a month.

I think that you've got to be ready to give up something or it won't work. I'm just not sure that I'm ready....

Let's dance, put on your red shoes and dance the blues

2006-02-04T02:12:00.000Z

I've just got back from a fantastic club, brilliant music, great venue - 12 people in the whole bloody building! And of those most of them couldn't dance. They fell into one of three categories:-

1. the hands in the air man, who does the country and western knees.

2. the punching the air in front of them man.

3. the pointy finger man.

Still, good night out.

Let it Rain

2006-02-02T22:07:00.000Z

When I signed up to living in the North West I was not informed about the weather, it never ever ever stops raining, it's foggy for 90% of the time and it's COLD. It's rubbish. On a daily basis I am conforming to the Great British Stereotype and carrying an umbrella everywhere just in case.

In other news, A was really ill with a cold and came with me to jet wash my car, I was finding the controls a bit difficult and was running out of time, so he was badgering me to let him finish it. I accidentally lost control and sprayed him with the high pressure rinse. He looked like a drowned rat! I felt really bad but couldn't stop laughing, in fact I laughed so much I cried. I really am the worst girlfriend in the world! I did say sorry though, LOTS. In fact I haven't stopped saying it for three days.

whinge whinge whinge..

2006-02-01T21:55:00.000Z

I'm exhausted. I'm finding work a real struggle at the moment. I feel like it's an uphill struggle all the time, and I think that having a constant cold isn't helping. It's not even the workload, I can do that with my eyes closed and without even thinking - maybe this is the problem. I need a new challenge.....

I'll shut up about this now though because I promised myself that this wouldn't be a whiney blog.

I've decided that I am sick of being fat and have taken it upon myself to do something about it, this has resulted in me going on a diet. I'm finding it very difficult because I'm hungry constantly - but I realise that this is a means to an end and so far I haven't cheated, maybe I'll get that summer bikini body! (yeah right). I'm so far on day 2, let's see how long this lasts.

You're better off staying at home

2006-01-28T10:36:00.000Z

Well, we're back from Spain and my advice to anyone who is thinking about going there is wait until it's finished. The whole place is a massive building site and those developments that are up already are like little boxes on the hillside all laid out in perfect lines. As for the flight out there - well, Ryanair are without doubt the worst airline I have ever had the misfortune to set foot upon. They are the evidence that should be put forward when arguing that you truly do get what you pay for. They don't see people - they see a way to make a quick buck whilst pretending that they are keeping prices down. We took one bag between two of us (bear in mind that the baggage allowance EACH is 15KG)which weighed 16kg. We were then charged an excess because although we were below our allowed combined weight it wasn't in the same bag! I will NEVER fly with them again, I don't care how cheap they are. Shareholders of Ryanair - you've had the last pound of flesh from me.

Despite my better judgement.....

2006-01-21T11:13:00.000Z

I did one of those quizzes. Hoorah for randomation (is that even a word?)

Old school punk! You just say what you have to say
regardless of what everyone else thinks!
You're one of my most favourite types of
music... You're raw and uncut! You're
surrounded by hype...just don't let it make you
go insane...

What genre of rock are you?

What is popular?

2006-01-18T22:28:00.000Z

I was thinking today how there are loads of things I don't like that everyone else seems to...
1. Monty Python
2. The Goons
3. Bond Films
4. Little Britain
5. The Fast Show
6. Coconut
7. Jam
8. Lemon Drizzle cake
9. Coffee.

I pretend not to like firefox because it annoys other people. As far as the internet goes, as long as I can view the pages I want to I don't care what browser I use.

boo hoo hoo

2006-01-16T18:47:00.000Z

I went to see the Chronicals of Narnia yesterday and I cried almost all the way through and have no idea why!

oops

2006-01-15T14:14:00.000Z

I forgot to write here yesterday - I guess I'm slipping already.

I could do with going into town today to take back a broken christmas present, but I really can't be bothered to even get dressed, I love my dressing gown it's sooooo warm!

Still, we're off to spain in a couple of weeks and I can't wait, although I'll really miss the cat. He's going to stay with A's mum and dad so it's like a little holiday for him. Although the last time he was there A's dad fed him an entire bowl of cat treats thinking that was his food! He had the cleanest teeth EVER!

Fat

2006-01-13T19:00:00.000Z

I never know how much pasta to cook, so I always make too much, then I have to eat it because it would be wrong to waste it, right?

This is precisely the reason I am so fat, the root of my problem lies with eating too much, I realise this and often think I should do something about it. Then, apathy kicks in and I sit on my big fat arse and do nothing.

Maybe one day......

No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness.

2006-01-12T19:35:00.000Z

I think my cat is either mental or really, really clever. He seems to have figured out that when the alarm clock makes a noise someone will get up and then he'll be fed. Now when he feels someone should be up and feeding him he licks the alarm clock repeatedly until someone wakes up and makes him stop.

He also licks the curtain.

What?

2006-01-11T22:33:00.000Z

Why do journalists and in particular those who sensationalise stories always do stories that state the bleeding obvious? Take for example the age old favourite "celebrity drug addict" IN (drumroll please) "caught with drugs shocker". What is news about that, and more to the point who cares? And let us not forget the run of the mill "hottest/coldest/wettest/driest day of the year, it's not that difficult to find news is it?

I've developed a love hate relationship with news and I'm never sure what is winning at any given moment of the day.

Day 2 of the cold from hell

2006-01-10T12:41:00.000Z

Now, those who know me will testify that I do have a flair for exaggeration - BUT I think this cold is certainly the worst I've had in a long time. I wouldn't mind so much the sore throat and the headache if it came without all the blocked and streaming nose. I don't understand how it can do that at the same time! Surely it should be one or the other.

I'm restless, I'm sleeping a lot but when I'm awake I'm not sure what to do with myself, I can just about sit here for about 20mins but then my back starts to hurt so I have to go back to the sofa or bed. I want to be at work, I'm getting constant text messages which all serve to worry me and I want to make sure that everything is running smoothly.

I have an unnatural craving for some very strong flavoured crisps - salt and vinegar or worcester sauce or pickled onion monster munch, god I long to be able to taste again!

To ring in or not to ring in that's the question...

2006-01-09T13:41:00.000Z

I've taken the day off sick today because I feel really ill. I always try to work through illness usually because I don't want people to think I'm skivving, but it's really taking all my effort even to sit here and type this. I also feel bad because I feel like I let everyone else down by not being there.

Cold

2006-01-08T23:28:00.000Z

I'm on my fourth cold since October, it's beginning to get tedious. Just as I think i'm well again I feel the telltale sore throat, and start sneezing. I've no idea if it's lifestyle, food, central heating, airconditioning or weather related but i'm tired of everyone in the office taking the mickey and calling me germ ridden. So, i've got some decongestant and nightnurse (which by the way is making me more awake than the bottle tells me I should be feeling) and A won't come near me because he doesn't want to get ill.

Still all this is very boring so I'll stop feeling sorry for myself, find the cat and go to bed in the vain hope that sleep will overcome me and I will wake up and be able to breathe normally.

Friends

2006-01-07T03:49:00.000Z

I have some wonderful friends, my best friend in the whole world is Yvonne, and she and I can spend the most time apart and yet still pick up where we left off, I love her unconditionally.

After her come a series of others in no particular order, 5olly, Down on the farm, dutchbird, sirsandgoblin and glis, these people above all others were there for me in my time of need.

One of them is having a rough time and it pains me because he doesn't know what a truly wonderful human being he is, I want him to come and spend some time with me and A and I've asked him, I hope he does because all I want to do is hug him and tell him it'll all be ok, which it will. I need to make him see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's just about switching it on and not being afraid of the dark when you're in that tunnel.

Your own mind when it turns on you is a terrible place to be and to go it alone even worse.

Lunacy

2006-01-06T19:12:00.000Z

I often wonder where these women's magazines that have articles such as "I was so hungry I ate my own arm" and "I fell in love with my hamster" and "My son is my grandfather" find the people who they are about. I mean, even if most of these stories were true then surely you wouldn't want a full page spread and accompanying smug photograph?! I realise they get paid, but how does that hundred and something quid compare with any old nodody knowing your skeleton in the closet? Of course, they could be made up to sell magazines in which case i've wasted far too long on the subject.

Well here it is......and other associated ramblings

2006-01-05T18:17:00.000Z

So, this is a blog, I'm sure everyone wonders what they are supposed to do with it and I'm no exception. I've arrived here because most people I know have one, and not to be outdone - and to see what all the fuss is about, I thought I'd try it. So, I sit and pontificate about the wonders of technology whilst letting my mind wander and think about such things as why the cat always sits on my best black trousers covering them in white fur - even if I hide them in a place I don't think he'll ever go, and WHY it's taking so long for dinner to cook when the packet says twenty minutes.

I'm so deep.

But, here I am, and for probably the first time in my life I'm lost for words, blogger, my friends salute you.